


Still (Not) Here

by Just_Another_Day



Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: Ambiguity, Angst, Canonical Character Death, Consensual Possession, Gen, Ghosts, Hallucinations, Loneliness, Mental Health Issues, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 11:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19150363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Another_Day/pseuds/Just_Another_Day
Summary: Laurent tried to keep it a secret. He knew no one would take it well.It went even worse than he'd expected when everyone found out.





	Still (Not) Here

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place when Laurent is around 15.
> 
> This fills my 'Demonic/Ghostly Possession', 'Hallucinations', and 'Loneliness' squares for Bad Things Happen Bingo.
> 
> Note that in addition to the listed tags, this also includes references to the prospect of self-harm/suicide. However, it's a perception that's only promoted by a third party and it's never treated as an actual possibility by the affected character, if that makes sense. If this is a sensitive issue for you and you want more of an explanation prior to reading, feel free to hit me up for more detailed spoilers.

"This is pointless," said Laurent. "I'm not going to hurt myself."

"But you don't have full control over yourself, apparently. So clearly even you can't know for sure what you might do," Uncle said, using that same completely-reasonable voice that had resulted in the Councillors nodding along with him when he'd proposed this 'for young Laurent's own safety'. 

"Auguste would never do anything to hurt me either," Laurent insisted. 

But it fell on deaf ears. 

Uncle clasped Laurent's shoulder just before he departed. Laurent thought it was supposed to seem comforting. It didn't, somehow. In fact, it was almost a little painful.

The guards sealed over the windows of Laurent's rooms. Supposedly it was meant to prevent Laurent from hurting himself by jumping from them, even though they weren't even that high off the ground in the first place. 

"So much for any chance at an escape attempt," Laurent muttered.

'I'm sure that's not their intention.' Auguste didn't sound entirely convincing, for once.

Meanwhile, servants set about removing every item and piece of furniture, except thankfully the soft mattress, which was lowered to rest directly on the floor so that the bed frame itself could be carried away. Even the books Laurent habitually kept close at hand were stacked and shuffled out the double doors in a procession, Laurent noted. What did Uncle honestly think Laurent was going to do with those? Give himself a paper cut?

Laurent, bereft, watched the last of the books disappear along with the remainder of the servants and the guards, leaving him alone. Well, almost.

Laurent wrapped his arms around himself. It wasn't quite the same as a hug. He missed the feeling of Auguste's hands running over his back, comforting him.

'I'm sorry.'

Laurent shook his head. "Don't be. I'd far prefer this over never getting to talk to you again." He'd take _anything_ over that.

This wasn't Auguste's fault, anyway. The blame for his current circumstances rested with Laurent. 

Laurent had managed to avoid talking to Auguste when other people were near enough to overhear and start gossiping about the Crown Prince's strange behaviour for a considerable amount of time. But eventually he'd made an error in judgment; he'd assumed he was alone when he actually wasn't. And clearly Laurent had been further mistaken in thinking that - having already been caught out - it would go better for him to reply honestly when Uncle had narrowed his eyes at Laurent and asked to whom he'd been speaking, rather than just lying and saying he was just thinking aloud or something similar. Honesty wasn't virtue here in Arles. Mother had often said that when Laurent had been younger, so that was something that Laurent already should have learned long ago. How quickly he'd let himself forget those clearly-important lessons she'd so carefully tried to instil in him.

Mother would have understood, or at least tried to. She would have let Laurent explain, and given Auguste an opportunity to prove himself. Laurent had hoped that Uncle could be counted on to do the same for them now that Mother was no longer able to. He was the only living family Laurent had left at this stage, after all. That was supposed to mean something, wasn't it? 

Auguste had certainly agreed that it would be a good thing to have someone on their side who understood.

But they'd both been wrong.

For the first day of his confinement, Laurent received no visitors except the servants who delivered food and drink at what Laurent had to assume were the normal meal times. Uncle's guards who were positioned outside Laurent's doors also periodically cracked the door open, ostensibly to check on Laurent's continued health, though really it was clear they were more interested in peering at him like a caged oddity. Which was exactly what Laurent supposed he was, for now. 

It took well over a full day for Uncle to send anyone to actually interact with Laurent. Which seemed like a rather long delay, Laurent thought, if Uncle really was doing this out of concern for his state of mind, as he claimed. 

It took Laurent only a moment to recognise Father's physician. Though Laurent supposed that wasn't Paschal's position anymore. So if he was still serving the royal physician, did that make him Laurent's physician now?

No. He would have come to assist Laurent immediately in that case, wouldn’t he. He was Uncle's man. Everything and everyone in this palace – in the country at large – seemed to now be Uncle's first and foremost, as Laurent was slowly learning.

"I haven't gone mad," Laurent said before Paschal could start the conversation himself.

Paschal didn't directly contradict him, but he did say, "Do you recall those last few days when your mother was bedridden? She had trouble distinguishing between reality and… other things."

Laurent remembered, very well. Mother's mind had been entirely elsewhere by then. She hadn't even seen Laurent, let alone recognised him, the last time Laurent had visited her. She'd stared straight past him and babbled a stream of something unintelligible aimed in the direction of the wall. Laurent hadn't been able to get her to acknowledge his presence at all before being guided away to somewhere more private. There he'd been able to press his damp face against Auguste's chest and momentarily hide away from the reality of what was happening. 

"I know what you're suggesting, but it's obviously not the same. Or do I seem feverish to you? On death's door, perhaps?"

"It's not precisely the same, no," Paschal agreed hesitantly. "But the mind has many different kinds of tricks it can play. The Regent suggested that you believed you've been hearing voices that aren't really there."

"Then he suggested wrong. Auguste _is_ right here, with me."

Kindly, Paschal said, "You understand what happened to your brother, don't you?"

"Of course I do." Laurent could hardly forget that any more than he could forget the last moments spent with Mother. The sight of Auguste soaked in his own blood and lying far too still haunted Laurent's dreams every night, even with Auguste always right there to soothe his mind in the aftermath.

Softly: "Then you know that Auguste is deceased."

"Yes, obviously," Laurent snapped. "I'm not stupid."

Paschal was silent for a long moment, as if unsure how to respond to that. He'd clearly been expecting Laurent to deny it.

Was it worth telling Paschal about the warmth that had unexpectedly spread through Laurent's chest when he'd been draped, crying, over Auguste's freshly-wrapped body, or about those first comforting words that had filled Laurent's mind in Auguste's so-familiar voice? Uncle hadn't believed Laurent when he'd tried to explain it, and to prove it. The court, and even the Council itself who was supposed to be there for him, hadn't even listened to what Laurent had to say, preferring to take Uncle's word alone as truth. So why would this man whom Laurent had only met in passing up until now even make an attempt to hear him out?

'You should at least try.' 

Right. Optimism was something of which Auguste had always had a surplus. Laurent had always aspired to be like that too, even if it had been difficult in recent months, given everything that had happened.

"Did you ever hear stories about the afterlife?" Laurent asked Paschal. "About spirits?"

"My older brother used to try to frighten me with stories about disembodied souls when I was maybe half your age, yes."

"Auguste did that too."

'Only because you enjoyed getting a little scared sometimes,' Auguste reminded Laurent fondly.

"Then he would join me under the covers I'd ducked my head under and tell me it was just a story. And that even if it turned out that it was true after all, he'd always protect me, so I didn't need to worry. He was wrong that it was just a story. But he was right that he'd always be there to protect me."

"You think you're hearing Auguste's spirit?" Paschal asked. "Then why can't I hear him too?"

"Because he's here." Laurent pressed the tip of his index finger against his temple. 

He watched a quick flurry of expressions play over Paschal's face. "You think you've been… possessed?" It was obvious he didn't believe even for a moment that that was possible.

Laurent said, "Never mind. You might as well just go, since I know you're not going to listen to me."

'So you'll have to _convince_ him to listen.' 

"I'm trying," Laurent said. 

Laurent could practically hear Auguste's sigh, even though he couldn't technically sigh anymore. 'No you're not. I know how smart you are. You could make anyone believe anything if you really put your mind to it, I'm sure. But you've resigned yourself to failing, so you're not even really putting in an effort.'

"Well you do it then, why don't you," Laurent said. "Oh, that's right, you can't."

Laurent regretted the sudden viciousness of his tone immediately, but he didn't know how to take it back.

Laurent didn't want to take his frustrations out on Auguste. But it was just so hard to accept that Auguste couldn't actually do anything more than offering the occasional word of confidence or compassion. Which Laurent _did_ appreciate, especially given that the alternative was for Auguste to be entirely out of his reach. But Auguste still wasn't really there the way Laurent wanted and _needed_ him to be.

It would never be the same as it had been before. In a very real way, even with Auguste right there with him, Laurent knew that he was still ultimately alone now. And that hurt _so much_ , but he couldn't let it show, because then Auguste would know.

Paschal frowned at Laurent, possibly just as much in reaction to the bitter way Laurent rubbed at his face as because he wasn't sure what had prompted Laurent to say that.

'I _do_ still have a way that I think I can help you with this, actually. How about you ask him if he remembers Perrine,' Auguste suggested.

Had Laurent heard that name before? It might have sounded familiar, but he couldn't recall for sure. "Who's Perrine?" he asked.

Paschal's skin visibly blanched before Laurent's eyes. "I can't believe he would have told you about that."

'It seems like he does remember.' 

Apparently so, Laurent thought. Though _who_ exactly Paschal was remembering was something of an unknown to Laurent. Obviously someone who both he and Auguste had known. Someone who was somehow important to both of them. Laurent couldn't imagine why he didn't know the details.

"If you're hoping to threaten me, you might want to reconsider," Paschal said.

"What? I'm not threatening you," Laurent denied. Though perhaps Auguste might be doing so through him, by the sound of it.

Paschal didn't seem to believe him either way. "I'll come back to speak with you again tomorrow morning, Your Highness. I'd suggest you spend that time thinking about how you'll be ruining your brother's reputation far more so than mine if you tell anyone about _that_."

"What was that about?" Laurent asked once Paschal had left, fleeing faster than Laurent would have expected a man that age to move, as if Laurent were some wild beast nipping at his heels.

'Just something that only Paschal and I know about. Which is entirely the point.'

"That's not a real explanation," Laurent complained.

'No, it's not. Because I never wanted you to know about it. And Paschal knows I would never voluntarily tell anyone about this, even you. So I think you'll find him a little more receptive after he's had a night to puzzle over how you could possibly know.'

Laurent hated the idea of Auguste keeping anything from him. He'd thought there were no secrets between them. But Auguste was surprisingly stubborn when he wanted to be, as much now as he'd ever been while he was still alive. Something about the whole thing was tickling at Laurent's memory, but nothing more than that vague feeling would come back to him. Maybe it would in time.

So for now, instead of pressing and making Auguste dig his metaphoric heels in even further, Laurent opted instead to ask, "Do you really think Paschal can be convinced to help us?" 

'He's helped me before,' Auguste said, still being annoyingly cryptic. 

"Uncle might not listen to Paschal even if he does believe us." 

'True. After all, I thought Uncle would listen to _you_ , and that didn't happen,' said Auguste. 'So I'm not sure what to expect anymore. But we have to try. And even if it doesn't work out like that, maybe Paschal can help us in some other way. Even if that means just helping us hide that I'm here and convincing everyone that your mind is 'healed' now, or whatever it is they're hoping he'll be able to do for you.'

"Maybe," Laurent agreed. He felt his first twinge of hope since Uncle had practically dragged Laurent in front of the whole court and announced that Laurent's fragile young mind was failing him and that he clearly needed to be protected from himself.

'It's going to be alright,' Auguste assured him.

Despite everything, when Auguste said it, Laurent couldn't help but believe him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is meant to be very open to interpretation as to whether this really is a matter of Auguste's ghost possessing Laurent, or if it's just a hallucination and Laurent's deluding himself that it's reality. Which means it's also open to interpretation whether this is canon-divergent from Marlas, or whether Laurent still experienced his canonical abuse (which might have contributed to his mental health issues). So feel free to take it whichever way you prefer. Reader's choice, really. Depends how sad you want it to be, I guess.


End file.
